Addiction

Have you ever looked at your life and said, Of all the things I struggled with, I am so glad I don't struggle with addiction?

I've said it.

But when the Lord is moving in my life, and opening my eyes to the sin of the world, I begin to see that my standard of living is not what I thought it was. There are addictions in my life, enslaving me, holding me prisoner, and luring me away from Jesus.

Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?

Proverbs 6:27

Very simply, addiction is anything (or anyone) that enslaves you. God has called us to live above this. 

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.

1 John 2:16

Addiction is tricky. I believe the Lord makes us aware of addiction in our lives in order to remove the things that keep us from Him. Some people are addicted to the media. They will spend hours watching T.V. and invest in the latest flat screen on the market, but they won't attend church or tithe. Some are addicted to a person, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse... they have to ask permission to go out with a friend. When they do spend quality time with a friend, the discussion revolves around their significant other.

The Lord has chosen to reveal my addiction to me by inspiring me to fast... from what has seemed like a perfectly healthy diversion from my work life. The Lord has inspired me to fast from radio, movies, and T.V. 

I have taken for granted that media is a harmless indulgence. I get away from the gentle quiet of morning and evening by immediately turning to noise and distraction. Maybe this is due to my need to drown out my thoughts, which tend to rush on with the sun's first light. 

This week, I commit to entertaining silence, and drawing near to Jesus within the quiet of morning and evening. 

What addiction are you struggling with? What are you being called to fast from?

Oceans Deep

A few months ago, I was struggling with debilitating anxiety. The truth is... I've been struggling with anxiety most of my life.

Once, when I was little, I broke something. It probably cost $5 at the supermarket, but suddenly it became the most precious thing on earth. I wanted desperately to close my eyes and open them to a miracle. Alas, I was left to throw away the remains and hide in bed for the rest of the day.

I agonized over this broken object for days. Of course, it wasn't the broken object that was causing me stress... it was the aftermath. What was going to happen to me?

The aftermath, of course, was my mother totally downplaying the significance of the object. I had been anxiety ridden for days over something that no one else cared about.

God has said, 

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 

So we say with confidence, 

"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?"

Heb 13: 5, 6

God speaks to us all throughout the Bible about trusting Him... about relinquishing our control over situations, things, and people. We were never meant to be perfect. We were meant to trust in a perfect God. Yet, perfection has become the standard.

As a woman, a musician, an oldest child...perfection looms in the distance constantly. My father always says that anxiety is the difference between where we are, and where we think we need to be.

Where we are (or where we should be) is in the center of God's will. His command is to love Him with all of our heart, soul, and mind. Everything else is in His hands.

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.

Malachi 3:10

This is a song that they played at my church a few months ago, in the eye of my storm. It spoke to me for weeks. I hope it will speak to you...

Patient Transformation

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you."

- Psalm 32:8 (NIV)

 I will never fully understand the love of a God who never gives up. 

 As I grow older, I experience more and more impatience with things. Today, I was running late for a yoga class when I realized I had lost my membership card. The ladies at the front desk were so kind and helpful, and all I could think about was getting to the class on time. 

  In my walk, I've had seasons of radical reform. I've had seasons of joy in fellowship. I've had seasons of  passionate ministry. But the sad truth is that littered around these seasons of happy worship have been periods of apathy... neglect... even idol worship (it doesn't have to be made of gold to be an idol). Like a child, desperate for the approval of a parent after a misdeed, again and again I come back to the Father, knowing that my existence rests in Him. His approval is my peace.

   How does He do it? How does He take me back after my every failed attempt to control my life? How does He continue to give when all I do is take, and ask for more? How can He still care enough to instruct me?

  But this is the truth of God's nature... He will never leave you or forsake you (Deut 31:6), and He is with you always (Matt 28:20). The patience of God is inspiring. The challenge of God is to transform, and his wisdom will change you to unrecognizable. Therein is His counsel and your transformation is his praise.

  

Help?

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You won't find the answers until you learn to question,
You won't appear stupid, just ask for directions,
You're insecure and it clouds your perception
So stop and listen and learn a lesson in love... without condition.

 We were born into this world with the help of our mothers, who carried us in their womb for almost a year. Until the age of two, we are virtually helpless, requiring considerable attention and assistance. Until the age of eighteen, we are legal bound to receive help from our parents.


 Basically, NATURE and SOCIETY are insisting that we as human beings require assistance in our journey through this life.

Which begs the question: Why is it so hard for us to ask for help???

I am horrible about asking for help. I have to get really, REALLY lost before stopping to ask for directions. This translates to life as well. In the past, I've been terrible about asking for help before I'm buried.

Last year, I made a move across several American states to take a teaching job. I recall a family member calling to ask me if they could help transport my things. Thinking this was too great of a convenience, I refused the help. They insisted, and won the argument in the end. They drove 2000 miles to help me move in to my new place.

When I started the new job, I quickly began to sink. With no family, no friends, and no life to speak of,  I had no choice but to be consumed with work. Within months, I was severely ill, burnt out, and miserable.

At my lowest point, I sent an urgent email to a professional acquaintance, saying HELP!!!! Within days, she was in my office with a stack of music and perfect solutions to all of my dilemmas at work.

Weeks later, I was relaying this to a woman in a support position above me. She had investigated into how my year was going, and I gave her a generic answer. Not accepting this, she probed further. That was when I told her. Her response was simply Why didn't you ask for HELP??

I replied that I had indeed asked for help, but even I knew the ball had been dropped. I should have milked every resource I had. Instead, I took the high road, not wanting to seem incompetent.

After the school year ended, I met with a college mentor back home. When I relayed the year's events to him, he praised me for how I handled things. As I registered confusion, he explained that the greatest professional step a person can take is to ask for help.

We are surrounded by people of all ages who have had all kinds of experiences. Although I've encountered difficulty in my professional life, I've always known the value of turning to those who have gone before, and who have a vested interest in keeping me from making the same mistakes they've made.

All of this leads me to say that there are so many of us who exchange the gift of God for our own understanding. I don't know about you, but my understanding is affected by circumstances, perception, etc.  With the biggest decisions of my life, I always find myself going to God. The scripture says, Lean not on your own understanding, but on every word that comes from God. 

Asking for help and guidance doesn't mean you're stupid or incompetent. If anything, it makes you stronger, more able, and more apt to making decisions that you won't regret later.

For You...

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I thought of this song just tonight. I just had this feeling that someone reading this might just need to be comforted a little. My prayers are with you.

Being Broken

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Broken:

1.) Forcibly separated into two or more pieces; fractured

2.) Sundered by separation

3.) Having been violated

4.) Incomplete; disordered

5.) Subdued totally; humbled; weak and infirm

6.) Crushed by grief

7.) Bankrupt

8.) Not functioning; out of order

Years ago, I used to think often on the idea of brokeness...

"We have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us."  - 2 Corinthians 4:7

Back then, I would visualize a clay pot being smashed to pieces. I understood the idea of God crafting us into His image. Then, time would harden us until we were of no further value to our cause on this earth.

So... God would break us and rebuild us from scratch.

At the time, I believed moments of brokeness to be painful, difficult situations when we felt that we had no choice but to cling to God.

A decade later, I find it more and more difficult to navigate these moments of brokeness. It's one thing to have your heart broken... to find out that your great love has chosen another, or the financing fell through on your first home, etc.

It's another thing altogether to quickly pick up the pieces of your life and forge ahead at this quick pace we call adulthood.

As a child, I could bury myself in a prayer closet. As an adult, I sometimes am faced with realities such as, There are 200 people waiting on me, and I can't afford to be broken right now.

So...here's the question: What happened to those moments of spiritual brokeness? and will I ever have them again?

"We are pressured in every way, but not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; we are persecuted,  but not abandoned; we are struck down, but not destroyed." - 2 Cor 4:8-9

Perhaps we are all supposed to be spiritual weight lifters...don't laugh. Maybe the condition of brokeness is supposed to change as we grow. Perhaps, we are to react differently to situations as we grow in Christ. The Bible says there is a time for everything under the sun. Maybe there is a time for running to the prayer closet and isolating ourselves from further danger. And perhaps there is a time for standing in the full armor of God (Eph 6:11) to fight through the perilous moments in life.

I believe we will always have moments of brokeness. Some of those moments will crush us and leave us feeling violated and we will go to God with our faces buried in the carpet, begging for His comfort.

However, more and more, I would like to know that I am standing and facing my giants with renewed faith and strength of will. Maybe that's one of the major points of being broken.

Missing Love...

Beyond the environment, the economy, or any other global issue we are dealing with right now, we have a looming crisis of a much greater importance...



We have a deficit that grows daily. With all the commandments and precepts that God gave us in the old testament, there were TWO that He imparted upon entering into the new covenant with us...

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.

-Luke 10:27

We have become so consumed with the three S's that we have lost sight of our true meaning in this world.

1.) SUCCESS - everyone wants to believe that their life has meaning and value...unfortunately, too many of us search for meaning in the affirmation and praise of the most random cross section of people... a boss, a significant other, a fortune teller... we put our worth in the hands of people who have no business or expertise to define our worth.

2.) STABILITY - we like the familiar routine... whenever someone or something interferes with the normal function of our day, we get irritable. There are important things to be done, and there just isn't time for anything else.

3.) SECURITY - we are constantly exchanging the comfort and security of God for a faithless existence. We say, I can make it on my own. Then the bottom drops out and we are in a crisis of belief. Even then, we are still searching for our own solution.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."

-Proverbs 3:5

If love began to rule my life, I believe the world would change. The word love is uttered so many times in the Bible in reference to God, that I have come to believe that God is the ultimate lover.

I read somewhere the account of a Christian martyr who was quoted as saying, "I would rather serve a God who would die for His creation, rather than a god who would ask his creation to die for him." Upon hearing this, I was moved to think on the love of God. What if our own love for each other was as great as the love He demonstrates?

Where do we start?

People the world over, regardless of age, culture, demographic, religion, etc. admittedly recognize that there is evil in this world. Like the toxins we emit into the atmosphere, we are constantly emitting some form of hate. Just because we refrain from symbols and physical destruction doesn't mean that we aren't part of the problem.

How much energy does it take to absorb the poison from a poisoness situation? How many minutes our of our life does it take to show love and understanding instead of bitterness and pride. How are our actions defined by love, versus personal gain?

If we miss the boat on a lot of issues, I pray that love will still remain at the core of our existence.

"I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. "

-Anne Frank